My Kids and My Positivity

I have been a single mom since 2009. My husband and I split amicably in April of that year. My daughter at the time was less than a month away from being 13, and my son had just turned 10 in February that year. While I am not the picture of a perfect parent, my ex really wasn't the parent he should have been. I was always the one that had to be the disciplinarian. I was the one who provided most of the care taking and participated with them. He just kept quiet most of the time. When he did speak, his words were nothing more than empty promises to them; not just when they were younger, but even now. It's not that he doesn't love his kids. He does love them, at least I think he does. But his actions over the past few years leaves me to question if he really ever knew his role as a dad. Young kids at that age shouldn't know, and don't need to know about "adult issues" that their parents are going through, or certain "adult situations" that they encounter. Many times, I got the feeling he talked to his kids like they were his friends/buddies from work, instead of talking to them at their level. I am not sure if he was trying to be a friend more than a parent, but it wasn't the kind of friend my children needed in their lives. 

I have full residential custody of my kids. My daughter, now almost 20 has distanced herself from her father for her own emotional protection. She loves him, but she can't be around him. She is too much of a positive person to be dragged down by his lifestyle choices and his consistent negativity. My son is 17 and he will go over and spend time with his dad usually a couple of Saturdays a month. Anyway, all of this is besides the point of this entry. I actually wanted to talk about the line that defines the parent/friend to your kids. As I said, while I am not the picture of a perfect parent, I must have done something right. I have heard plenty of horror stories over the course of the past few years of broken families that become even more broken once parents split up. I am blessed and proud to say my kids and I are stronger than ever. We have a great relationship and for that, I am truly blessed. 

I am proud to say that I am a friend to my kids. Yes, I am their parent, their Mom. But I am also a friend to them. It has always been that way. I know, there are many people, parents out there that will gasp at this and say "Oh no, not with my kids.....You MUST be a parent to have any kind of structure or discipline." There will be some that will tell you that there is no room in a parent/child relationship for friendship. Well, I have to say that I disagree. It's a fine line to walk along and try to balance, but it can be done. 

As in any other kind of a relationship, you need to define what you desire out of a relationship. As my kids were younger, we had structure and discipline. As they got older and began to understand more, I always wanted them to be able to come and communicate with me without fear of me going all parental on them. Once my kids became older, and right around the time the split happened, they pretty much knew, I can be Mom, their best friend, or I can be Mom, their parent. As Mom, their parent, they knew if they didn't do what was expected of them such as chores, keeping their grades up and such, Mom, their parent got a little more tough. As long as they do what is expected, we have a much more relaxed household, I feel its a more positive atmosphere that we have created. 

As a result, I have raised two amazing kids that any mom could ever ask for. Although, some credit does need to go to my mom and dad as well. The kids spent a lot of time there while I worked. I couldn't have done that without my mom and dad. My kids are always there to lend a hand. They are respectful, open and honest. We can have good conversations, for the most part, we can talk without yelling at one another (I'll be honest, I do slip up and yell on occasion)

I love my kids more than life itself. I love the young adults they are becoming. I am so blessed. When I have a bad day, or life sometimes just isn't going the way it should at times, they are my focus. They are my positive light at the end of they day. When I lay in bed at night trying to dismiss all the negativity from my mind so that I don't take that to sleep with me, the two brightest lights in my positive focus are them. I relive all the good moments we have shared, the laughter, the smiles and that is what I hold on to.

The parent/friendship relationship with your kids might not be easy, but it can be done. I feel we are living proof. As I said, there are some that will tell you it can't, and they have their own beliefs, and that's alright. All parents and kids are different and you have to do what works best for your family. But no matter how you define your relationship with your kids, always keep life positive. Don't dwell on the negative. At the end of the day, find those good moments, cherish them and always remember....Embrace the positivity,

Powerball Madness and Finding Happiness

Hey Everyone! I hope everyone had a good week. It seems like it's been a while since I posted last. I am trying to get better at this whole blogging thing. But anyway, a little segue before I get into my topic. Last Monday, January 11th, my dad had knee replacement surgery.As with all surgeries, there is risk involved. Dad has a little more risk than others due to a heart condition...atrial fibrillation. We were told the surgery might be done by 9:30 am, but that it was a possibility that he might not get done until 10 am. We escorted him to just before the OR, and said our good luck wishes, gave kisses and said our I love yous.

While my mom, my daughter and I waited in the surgical lounge, there came a time where we started to become concerned. It was a little after 10 am. All these other doctors were coming out and talking to their patients families that had arrived around the same time as we did and there we sat. Every time the surgical lounge door opened, we expected to see my dads' doctor and it was someone else's doctor. It was well after 10 am and my mom started to cry insisting that something just had to be wrong.....this was taking too long. While trying to keep her calm, I began to get anxious myself. I tried desperately to just try and focus on my breathing and not make my mom more anxious than she already was. Finally at 10:30 or so, my dads' doctor came out to tell us that he was fine and everything went better than he expected. We all breathed a sigh of relief, cried a few tears and waited for him to come down to his room from recovery. Dad is doing pretty well, all things considered. 

So last week as the power ball reached the $1.5 BILLION jackpot, the nation was sent into a frenzy, picking numbers and buying tickets hoping to be the lucky winner!! Some people put in hundreds of dollars hoping they would have the winning combination. They had high hopes that this would be their ship sailing on in to port.  Some people were thinking that this money is the answer to all their financial woes and the answer to happiness. But is it? Would it be? I'll admit it. I spent about $10 on some numbers with hopes and dreams I would win. My daughter and her boyfriend spent a few bucks as well. We all said we wouldn't be greedy. Even a million would have made life a little easier. But would it make us happier?

As we sat there on Wednesday night waiting for the drawing, my 16 year old son said out loud, "No matter what happens guys, win or lose, we still have each other." I love that boy of mine. It's not like I needed that to be put into perspective for me, but he is right. In the end, family is what always matters the most. As I sit here now, typing out this blog entry, I can't help but think....if God forbid, something happened to my Dad during his surgery and he was no longer with us, no amount of money would bring him back to us. We couldn't buy new happiness to help us with the loss we would feel by losing a husband, a dad and a grandfather. $1.5 billion, or a million, it just wouldn't matter. Now mind you, IF, again....God forbid, something had happened to my dad, I doubt any of us would be thinking power ball tickets anyway, but you get my point. 

You can have all the money in the world. but it doesn't buy happiness. It might make you feel a little bit comfortable. It buys you things. But think about it, is it really things that make you happy? You could have anything you wanted, but I can't see how those "things" would make you happy. If you don't have the love of family and friends, would all those "things" even matter? 

I don't have a lot of material things. I have necessities. I also have wants, as most do. But, I have come to realize in my life that it's not the things that make you happy. Although I do have one exception to that....and that is my house. We moved, almost 3 years ago now, and I do have to say that my house changed me. Long story short, there was just some bad energy in our other home, despite some changes we tried to make. It just made me overall, a very miserable person and someone I didn't like very much. The move gave us a new outlook, a little more space and brand new energy that we provided....positive energy!! The kids even talked with my mom and said how the new house has changed me for the better. Everyone noticed a difference in me and we all believe it was the change of homes and having a fresh start. 

But, with that being said....my house is full of second hand furniture. We will need a new couch soon as the one we have has seen some better days, but it is still good for curling up on, and sitting on, but it is old and starting fall apart around the edges. But you know what? It's all good!! I recently just got a "new" (to me) vehicle....it was the most practical for me. I went from a 2005 vehicle with 170k miles to another 2005 vehicle with about 86k miles on it. I love it, and I am happy with it. It has a sunroof, a great stereo and it gets me where I need to go. 

But out of all of this....what is most important to me is my family. I have two of the most amazing parents and two amazing kids. I love all of them with all that I am. My kids are two wonderful young adults that are on pretty decent paths in their lives. I am nothing short of proud. My daughter has the most loving and caring guy in her life. They've been dating for about 3 years and I couldn't be happier for her that she has found someone that treats her as she deserves to be treated. 

Family should never be sacrificed for anything. They're too important. We only have a little while on this earth and we have to enjoy them while we are here. Remember to take time for them. Don't work so hard for the big house and the fancy car that you lose site of what's important. 

  I have spent the better part of the last 2-3 years of my life, if not longer, looking for happiness. I used to think money was needed to find that happiness. I have reflected even more so on my life since losing my cousin in August. I have learned that you don't necessarily need money to make you happy. 

You can't find happiness. You create it. You create it by making memories with your family, finding hobbies you enjoy, or just finding contentment in sitting out on a porch on a warm sunny day and taking in the moment. You surround yourself with positive people and share in happiness with them. Take in nature, breathe in life. Cherish every moment and always remember to embrace the positivity.

Fall Cooking

Hey There!! Fall is upon us! I actually broke down and turned on the furnace tonight. There was a little bit of a chill in the house when I came home. It's cold outside and they're actually calling for a little bit of the white stuff this weekend! Fantastic. (insert sarcasm here)

Anyway, I celebrated a birthday a week ago and from my Mom and Dad, I received an awesome dutch oven, along with a brand new set of some really nice knives. The dutch oven is cast iron and enamel coated. It's a beautiful teal color. 

For me, when fall comes, and it comes to great meals, I love anything that is hearty, and makes you feel warm and satiated. I love doing soups and chili's a lot!! As seen on my other blog, Crazy Cat Mommy's Corner, I shared with my readers how I make my own CHILI!! So feel free to take a peek over there, if you haven't already!

This week though, we were looking for something a bit different. My daughter found this recipe for White Chicken Chili from Taste Of Home. So head on over there and check it out. A little side note on the recipe--- It calls for Cayenne Pepper. I opted to go with crushed red pepper flakes. The Cayenne pepper was $5.99 at my local grocery store for a little bottle. Red pepper flakes were a little cheaper. Other than that, I found this to be a great recipe. We all agreed it was a keeper. If you try it, you'll find that it is a little more soupier than a regular chili. But it works. It's the mashed great northern white beans that give it its creamy consistency. But definitely worth a try. We all enjoyed it. 

Below we have posted pictures from my Twitter feed. I was sharing the process as I went along. My camera didn't quite capture the true pretty color of my new dutch oven though, but its still beautiful just the same!! I am looking so forward to getting a lot of use out of it for many years to come. 

To me, I find awesome positivity in being able to cook meals for my kids and have us come together for a new recipe I have found. I enjoy being able to bring all of us together for meal times and have that time together. With them being older now, we all tend to have different schedules. However, we always manage to find the time to have meals together when we can. I make sure that I cherish those times together. Family is so important. 

So, let me know if you try the recipe and how you liked it. Thank you for reading and remember, take the time to cherish the moments, and embrace the positivity! 

My new enamel coated cast iron Dutch oven!! #lovingthecolor pic.twitter.com/CTMlpUhew2

— Pamela Eberle (@crazycatmomma8) October 16, 2015

The beginnings of white chicken chili!! #fallcooking pic.twitter.com/3vL1GsMK7b

— Pamela Eberle (@crazycatmomma8) October 16, 2015

Almost ready!! pic.twitter.com/9nDdW5ujRr

— Pamela Eberle (@crazycatmomma8) October 16, 2015

Mmmmmmm!! White Chicken Chili!! pic.twitter.com/ulZSprLuZn

— Pamela Eberle (@crazycatmomma8) October 16, 2015

Everything Happens For A Reason

Sometimes disappointing things in life just happen. We don't know why they do or we may think the universe is just against us, but I have always held on to the faith that sometimes, everything happens for a reason. We might not always know the reason at the time, and we might not ever find out that reason. 

The week my cousin passed away, I had picked up around 72 hours at work because I had/have been having some financial difficulties lately. Between finishing out the week I was on and the new week that was coming up, I would have put in 96 hours total between both my clients.  It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I needed to do. I had prayed for help about a week or two prior, and all of a sudden, my clients other aide just up and left her, telling the agency she wouldn't be able to work for the next few weeks. I felt that was my sign, my help that I asked for. So I called my agency picking up whatever hours I could. 

So I finished up the Saturday of that week with a 12 hr shift. That was August 1st. I worked Sunday, August 2nd, a 12 hour shift.  Long story short, with the client I picked up the extra 72 hours with, when I got in on Tuesday for my evening shift, I found out her son had cancelled for the next week and a half starting with Wednesday, August 5th. I was upset and angry. But then, my mom reminded me "Everything happens for a reason."  On August 6th, when I would have been working a 12 hr shift, at 9 am in the morning, that's when I got the text from one of my aunts to call her. That's when I found out my cousin died.

 I was extremely grateful to be home with my two children and not at work. I was able to break the news to them and we were able to find comfort in one another. I was able to be there for my Aunt in her time of need. I was able to partake in helping create memory boards for my cousins services. Something I wouldn't have been able to do if I had been working 12 hour shifts. In a time of darkness, I was grateful to be able to have some positives that came out of it. 

As I have stated before, life is about trying to find the positive moments that you can, find what you're grateful for and blessed with. This weekend, my mom, my daughter and I were scheduled to go away together for an all girls weekend at my parents cabin which is located in the southern tier part of WNY near Olean, NY. 

We were looking so forward to it. It's especially pretty this time of year with the fall leaves changing. Well as the week went on, we knew it wouldn't be as beautiful as we had hoped due to weather. It's been raining, a little cooler and damp! 

But as I packed up my pumpkin cake I had just finished frosting, and waited for my daughter and her boyfriend to get home from school, I got a call from my mom. She sounded so disappointed. 

We have a very steep, stone hill that leads up to our cabin. To this day, so many years later, we often wonder why on earth we purchased a cabin on such a steep hill. Anyway, my parents had paid a guy to grate the hill and straighten it out as every few years, it gets pretty weathered and rutted. Well, it wasn't done as quickly as they had hoped. They actually expected it done much sooner than just this past week. 

So when my mom called me, the last thing I expected her to tell me was that we couldn't go to our cabin. As I said, the guy just fixed the road and turned the dirt and had grated it. He told my parents that with all the rain we had been getting, it might not be a good idea to go up the road because it is so wet. I am not sure if he was worried about our tires causing damage to the freshly grated road because of the potential for mud, or if was worried about the potential for danger trying to make it up in the mud. I still wanted to try and go. My mom has an AWD vehicle. I said "We can make it, let's go!!" I've always liked to believe we are unstoppable! Now that I'm writing this, and thinking about my cousin, knowing her, she definitely would have risked it and gone anyway. I don't believe she let anything stop her. 

However, my mom in her infinite wisdom brought up a very good point. In all the years we have had our cabin, driving there and never knowing what we would face once we got to that hill, no one has ever called us to tell us you might not want to come. But the fact that this guy called us and told us, my mom felt we should heed the warning. So as disappointed as we were, we decided it best to stay home. Now to break the news to my daughter.

She actually took it better than I thought. I mean, yes, she is 19 and a very mature 19. It's not like I was expecting her to stomp her feet and pitch a fit! LOL But, she was the one that reminded ME about finding the positivity!! 

I have only adopted this new mentality in my life recently. I am still learning to embrace it and accept it in a few different facets of my life. It's about a whole new journey for me. It's about teaching myself and learning to control the things that only I can control. It's more about me not dwelling in negative energy and focusing on the positivity. I was very proud of my daughter that in that moment, she reminded me of that with her attitude. That no matter what, it's all going to be ok. I feel blessed and accomplished that I feel as if my new outlook has been affecting her positively also!!

With the disappointment behind us, we made a new plan. My mom came over to my house with the plan to spend the night. She brought everything with her for what we would have had for breakfast the next day. We all got comfy, we ordered in Chinese food for dinner, played a game and made popcorn, and stayed up til 1 am having some quality family time. Oh and of course, no family fun time evening is complete with out good music!!

Yesterday, we had coffee and pumpkin cake, and later we made a delicious breakfast of bacon, eggs, biscuits and juice. Mom stayed for most of the day and we enjoyed each other's company just as much as we would have at the cabin and I think that's what matters most. 

So as I sit here on my porch, sipping coffee on a beautiful, crisp fall Sunday morning, I am reminded life happens and life goes on. But if you dwell in the negative parts of life, you lose out on some of the wonderful blessings life has to offer. You lose focus on what is right in front of you. The next time something disappointing happens, take a step back and re-center yourself. Take a breath and take a moment to be grateful for what you have in that immediate moment. Your health, a loving family, and a roof over your head. Say thank you. Remember to cherish those moments and to always embrace the positivity. 

Celebrating Life

It was such a beautiful day yesterday. We spent it in Rushford, NY celebrating what would have been my cousin's 37th birthday. Most of us (some had to work or had prior commitments) all got together, found a spot overlooking Rushford lake, and we released balloons in honor of her birthday. We laughed, we cried and we celebrated. The weather was amazing! We couldn't have asked for a better day to celebrate her! She was such a beautiful soul with an amazing spirit, always living every moment of life to the fullest.

 The last time we saw each other was for another cousin's wedding. The time before that, Christmas. We really seemed to connect at that time, as she sat at our table for dinner. I enjoyed her company and her presence. She made us feel like kids again. We talked and laughed. We promised each other we would get together for lunch when she comes to town. We won't get to do that now. But I am forever grateful for the time we did get to spend together at Christmas and at the wedding. I can't sit here and dwell on the moments we won't have together, but rather cherish the moments we did have. 

Life is never a guarantee. We don't know when our time here is up. So we must always live life to the fullest and remember to always embrace the positivity.